When it comes down to it, to many people I’ve probably landed up being a bit of a failure, given what I could and probably should have achieved.
So yeah at first glance, after all when you look at it, I was very lucky to have born a bit of a precocious little smart arse and was even described as ‘gifted’ at school. Problem is it was all too easy at school ’cause I could just ‘do it’ and, even after being moved up a year for being too far ahead of everyone else, I sailed through to top of the class year on year. That is until the point when it came to the serious stuff later on and I actually needed to work and revise and so on. Then I hit the rails a bit and although I still managed to shuffle through O and A levels with decent enough grades but not the straight ‘A’s that were expected. Probably had the wind knocked out of my sails a bit as well as my dear Headmaster told me that my lifelong dream ( at that point) of being a Doctor was impossible to achieve as I didn’t come from a medical family. I kind’ve lost interest a bit after that, not having the maturity to ignore him.
So off I went the University of Leeds ‘reading’ Mathematics – not my first choice obviously but I was good at it. Problem was – I was a year younger than everyone else, immature for my age anyway, struggled in my ‘social growth’, my first year accommodation situation was not ideal and then later on I had relationship ‘issues’ at the most inconvenient points. Most obviously of course, at University you have not only to attend and listen to the lectures but then go back to your digs and study your notes and the suggested textbooks and, well, yeah….. I still have some of the textbooks I bought. They’re in pristine condition.
I had a cracking time socially in the end, mind.
As it was, my educational results continued to decline – basic intelligence got me through to graduation with a lower class degree but not the glittering 1st class honours from Cambridge that my mum dreamed of when I was a young boy.
And so, with my dodgy Maths degree, into the world of work I went. I didn’t want to be an accountant or a teacher so I chose IT. Seemed like the thing to do at the time.
Climb that greasy pole - work and the corporate bollocks that surrounds it.
Turns out I was quite good at IT and, being a bit of a geek anyway ’cause I love the nitty gritty of solving in depth difficult problems. Turns out I was not only good at solving technical problems, but also at innovative ideas, people management, mentoring, managing difficult customers, technical architecture, project management etc.. What I wasn’t good at was:
- Corporate bollocks
- Bullshit
- Getting excited about work generally
- Self promotion
- Brown nosing.
I didn’t have a massive ego either and I didn’t play golf.
Anyway still I got a decent way up that greasy pole (but not as far as those skilled in the above categories) and was doing OK really and actually was respected. Then …. the company I worked at was taken over and my job disappeared in a puff of reorganisation, the financial crisis happened and jobs came and went and now here I am – in my mid 60s still working in a mundane job with no money and a mortgage whilst all my mates are retired and enjoying life. It all went wrong somewhere.
Like I said – to some of the more money oriented out there, the ‘gifted one’ might seem a bit of a failure.
EXCEPT – my job is not stressful even though I’d like to retire ASAP. I have a lovely hard working wife (at my second attempt), great kids and a smart little grandson, I have a comfortable if chaotic existence living in a nice if not enormous house in great little North Yorkshire village…and I can afford a pint when I want to have one. I play in a couple of bands as a wannabe guitarist and have a great time at that too. There’s many in a far worse position so – if you’re shallow enough to judge success by money alone then I am a failure. But that’s your problem.
